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Our new addition comes home tomorrow from Pasadena Humane Society! I’m so excited and nervous. It’s been an insane process these past two weeks (I even reviewed PHS on Yelp).

We’ll have to see how she does with our cats… but so far, she’s great with toys, people, and other dogs. Even knows how to sit. Hopefully she’s welcomed at the dog park so all her energy doesn’t go into side-swiping me in our tiny apartment.

I obviously couldn’t stay away from Hailey’s breed, and I’m just glad we’re able to rescue one. It’s very disheartening to see so many pit bulls in the shelters when all they really needed was love and understanding. And even to this day, I miss Hailey wholeheartedly; I have to do right by her and give another pitty a home.

Oh, and we haven’t settled on a name yet. Jade’s thinking Ozmodiar. Yeah, I don’t agree.

IT’S FUN, I SWEAR.

This year’s theme was Building Dreams, Friendships, and Memories.

Wow.

Anyone else feel that that was an all-encompassing stab at Horrible? Did you see those float designs? What in the world. So some of my photos below are a glimpse of my favorite bits and pieces from the parade. Proof that photography can give better memories than the actual experience.

And yes, we are doing it next year.

PS. I love the moon.

PPS. Okay, I love the accent too. :)

I didn’t cry at weddings until I began photographing them. I have to attribute this to becoming so engrossed in whatever is happening, and trying to capture the emotion that’s so heavy in the air, that I become emotional myself. Or, I’m just a really sensitive wreck.

There’s a moment during each wedding where my eyes well up and I just can’t help it.

At Natalie and Casey’s wedding (at the beautiful French Estate), I could barely look through my lens during her father-daughter dance. At first, they held each other at a distance while her father sang along to the song. But then, Natalie just grabbed him in close and they held each other in a hug so tightly, swaying to the music. Ugh, that hug got me. Even my second shooter, Diana was having a rough time. At the reception, we couldn’t look at each others’ photos of the moment.

In My Life by The Beatles

The dance was set to The Beatles’ In My Life and I can hardly read the lyrics without becoming all emotional. And now, I’m listening to it and getting all teary. Sigh.

This is a rare moment between my parents. Even more rare because it’s in London.

I love them, you know. We don’t say it often, or even speak to each other much. But, they are present when I need them and do what they can to help.

I do want to make my parents proud, even if they don’t understand my actions. I’m sure a lot of parents wish their child would just follow a routine path – university, doctor, marriage, grandkids… fame, fortune, family. That’s not how it works usually. It didn’t work for them.

Sometimes, I don’t know if what I’m doing will be what works for me in the end, but I know I’m moving in a direction where positive energy is what I’ll end up with.

I hope they feel that way when they’re gone. I hope they’re not disappointed and burdened, but realize I tried my best to be happy. I do without much and live with even less, but my days are simply… good. I strive for greatness and I know it’s coming.

I no longer live in a house, I no longer travel much, I’m no longer married… I hurt good people and lost material things. But, all of this is for the best. I’ll have a house someday. I’ll see Europe again. And I know more about marriage than ever before. I want my parents to understand that I’m better off now, even if it appears that I’m not.

I want the people I hurt to be better off too. I’m sure they are – I’m sure without me in their lives, they feel more secure in their own actions. They may be confused as to why I did what I did, and then why I could not stay when I was asked to… but there are no words to explain it well enough. A person with their judgments so ingrained in their being are not going to share my perspective. What is important though: my gratitude for what they’ve done for me and how they helped me survive. Literally and figuratively.

It’s a rare moment to be truly happy. I experience it more often than before, which tells me I’m heading in the right direction. I hope you are too.

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I need a small goal that is completely attainable so as to keep my blog more up to date. Henceforth, I’ll be slowly posting more photos (of Europe and weddings and everything in between) one by one. Usually, the one photo per post is going to be the photo I want to share with you all – hopefully you’ll enjoy them! :)

Become a fan of my Voir Venir Facebook page for more photos and updates.

I loved this poster when I saw it in Beverly Hills at the Saban Theatre. I immediately stole the bride’s shoes and bouquet. :) Well, I actually asked her if it was alright to walk around with her stuff… I don’t really steal items on a wedding day.

OR DO I!?

No. No, I don’t.

Become a fan of my Voir Venir Photography Facebook page for more photos from Davin and Magdiela’s wedding. As well as more events! (You know, some day, I’ll have this blog entirely up to date with all my happenings. SOME DAY!)

I must be honest with you, dear readers. This entry is a more serious one, but I feel that I should be as open as I can be in regards to who I am – as a photographer, an actress, and a person.

I’m happy. Don’t misunderstand – I’m weary of the steps I’m taking because it’s a lot of work to get where I want to be. But! I’m happy. There is much to be said about beating depression, although I’m unsure if you can permanently beat such a thing.

What I’ve realized lately is the sadness that used to overwhelm my thoughts has stopped in its tracks. I can noticeably feel the depression start, and instead of it overtaking me, I just… breathe. This usually occurs while riding in the car, where my mind freely wanders. But, I remind myself of what I have to be happy about and I remain present. I end up noticing the smell of the air, or the song on the radio, or the hand in my lap.

One of my biggest examples of this depression was when I wanted matching hangers in my closet. Seriously. It was as if I had to have them or else… I don’t know, I would be upset at my life and all of its “failures.” If only I had this… I would be happy.

That was my main problem. I wasn’t happy with anything. And that’s something very difficult to admit for me. I prided myself in thinking that my core, my soul, my being was inherently happy. I didn’t picture myself as someone that really needed anyone or anything for happiness to exist in my life. Then I got cancer.

I became dependent. I became reliant. And whatever someone would do for me wasn’t good enough. Whatever I tried to do wasn’t good enough. Wherever I lived and whatever job I had could be better. Whatever I had could be better. I constantly thought about death and dying, to a point where I can’t even explain how it affects my life to this very moment.

So, I knew something was wrong – with the sadness and the ridiculous notion of matching hangers, but I didn’t know what it was. I went to therapy, which lasted two sessions because I didn’t have the money to really continue.

But then, life happened. It literally took a drastic turn and I had to reassess everything. My job, my goals, my closet… I lost practically everything. And you know what? I. Was. Happy.

And that’s how life is now. I work towards a very “big picture” for reasons that are beyond money and material things. It’s going to be difficult and long, but I will get there. And even if I don’t, I’m still happy. I’m still present. I still take pictures. :)