This is a rare moment between my parents. Even more rare because it’s in London.

I love them, you know. We don’t say it often, or even speak to each other much. But, they are present when I need them and do what they can to help.

I do want to make my parents proud, even if they don’t understand my actions. I’m sure a lot of parents wish their child would just follow a routine path – university, doctor, marriage, grandkids… fame, fortune, family. That’s not how it works usually. It didn’t work for them.

Sometimes, I don’t know if what I’m doing will be what works for me in the end, but I know I’m moving in a direction where positive energy is what I’ll end up with.

I hope they feel that way when they’re gone. I hope they’re not disappointed and burdened, but realize I tried my best to be happy. I do without much and live with even less, but my days are simply… good. I strive for greatness and I know it’s coming.

I no longer live in a house, I no longer travel much, I’m no longer married… I hurt good people and lost material things. But, all of this is for the best. I’ll have a house someday. I’ll see Europe again. And I know more about marriage than ever before. I want my parents to understand that I’m better off now, even if it appears that I’m not.

I want the people I hurt to be better off too. I’m sure they are – I’m sure without me in their lives, they feel more secure in their own actions. They may be confused as to why I did what I did, and then why I could not stay when I was asked to… but there are no words to explain it well enough. A person with their judgments so ingrained in their being are not going to share my perspective. What is important though: my gratitude for what they’ve done for me and how they helped me survive. Literally and figuratively.

It’s a rare moment to be truly happy. I experience it more often than before, which tells me I’m heading in the right direction. I hope you are too.

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I need a small goal that is completely attainable so as to keep my blog more up to date. Henceforth, I’ll be slowly posting more photos (of Europe and weddings and everything in between) one by one. Usually, the one photo per post is going to be the photo I want to share with you all – hopefully you’ll enjoy them! :)

Become a fan of my Voir Venir Facebook page for more photos and updates.

I loved this poster when I saw it in Beverly Hills at the Saban Theatre. I immediately stole the bride’s shoes and bouquet. :) Well, I actually asked her if it was alright to walk around with her stuff… I don’t really steal items on a wedding day.

OR DO I!?

No. No, I don’t.

Become a fan of my Voir Venir Photography Facebook page for more photos from Davin and Magdiela’s wedding. As well as more events! (You know, some day, I’ll have this blog entirely up to date with all my happenings. SOME DAY!)

I must be honest with you, dear readers. This entry is a more serious one, but I feel that I should be as open as I can be in regards to who I am – as a photographer, an actress, and a person.

I’m happy. Don’t misunderstand – I’m weary of the steps I’m taking because it’s a lot of work to get where I want to be. But! I’m happy. There is much to be said about beating depression, although I’m unsure if you can permanently beat such a thing.

What I’ve realized lately is the sadness that used to overwhelm my thoughts has stopped in its tracks. I can noticeably feel the depression start, and instead of it overtaking me, I just… breathe. This usually occurs while riding in the car, where my mind freely wanders. But, I remind myself of what I have to be happy about and I remain present. I end up noticing the smell of the air, or the song on the radio, or the hand in my lap.

One of my biggest examples of this depression was when I wanted matching hangers in my closet. Seriously. It was as if I had to have them or else… I don’t know, I would be upset at my life and all of its “failures.” If only I had this… I would be happy.

That was my main problem. I wasn’t happy with anything. And that’s something very difficult to admit for me. I prided myself in thinking that my core, my soul, my being was inherently happy. I didn’t picture myself as someone that really needed anyone or anything for happiness to exist in my life. Then I got cancer.

I became dependent. I became reliant. And whatever someone would do for me wasn’t good enough. Whatever I tried to do wasn’t good enough. Wherever I lived and whatever job I had could be better. Whatever I had could be better. I constantly thought about death and dying, to a point where I can’t even explain how it affects my life to this very moment.

So, I knew something was wrong – with the sadness and the ridiculous notion of matching hangers, but I didn’t know what it was. I went to therapy, which lasted two sessions because I didn’t have the money to really continue.

But then, life happened. It literally took a drastic turn and I had to reassess everything. My job, my goals, my closet… I lost practically everything. And you know what? I. Was. Happy.

And that’s how life is now. I work towards a very “big picture” for reasons that are beyond money and material things. It’s going to be difficult and long, but I will get there. And even if I don’t, I’m still happy. I’m still present. I still take pictures. :)

Well, hello! It’s finally the new year and I’m really looking forward to this one. Most of my friends were ecstatic to say goodbye to 2009, and so was I. Hopefully all of you have big plans for 2010 to be a great year. I have weddings to photograph and portraits to capture and more equipment to buy! It’s an exciting time in my life and it can only get better.

To end this quick post, I wanted to share an artist I came across today. Madeline Ava plays “cuddlecore ukulele,” which is an instrument I love (and am trying to learn to play). One of my favorites is her cover of In the Aeroplane Over the Sea. Take a listen!

I also know I’ve been MIA for quite a while, plus my website AND blog were down! There had been some transfers of domains and files and life has basically changed drastically for me. But, in my opinion, it’s all for the better. It’s going to be difficult and fun and quite a struggle to get where I want to be, but I’ll get there. I’ll have the help of some family and friends, but mostly, this is my own doing.

And I want to do it well, to where I am happy even when times are rough.

Some great news: Weddings in 2010! I am so excited to photograph the weddings I have coming up next year. It is ridiculous… :)

Sam contacted me a week before their wedding, which wasn’t as traditional as most; they got ready in the same room together, I helped Shermeen into her dress and shoes, and the ceremony was about 5 minutes long. Sam’s dad was the officiant and a lot of what you see was DIY.

I just love weddings like this. It reminds me of the real reason there are weddings in the first place.

Location: Private Residence in Pasadena, CA
Dress: David’s Bridal
Flowers: Sam’s Mom!
Makeup: Shermeen!
Food: Sayat Nova (delicious rice, btw)
Lighting: Sam!

Enjoy the show below… and see it in HD! For better playback, pause the show, allow it to load completely, and continue playing. (RSS and email readers must visit this entry directly to view the slideshow.)

Plenty more to post soon. Enjoy Greece, you two!

Anytime I see photos of them (and their brothers!) I feel so thankful to have them in my life. They are people I can rely on and laugh with at whatever age.

Jenn recently asked me for a basic headshot session. So we had some lunch (thanks, Jenn!) and walked around Old Town Pasadena. Here is a quick tease whilst I edit the rest of her photos.